You ever think about what you're eating? I try not to; it's too scary. You've got this incredibly complex machine that runs on an enormous variety of fuels, and nobody has any idea what the best one is. You've got a million choices all the time and your entire life depends on it, but nobody can tell you the perfect thing to eat.

Everyone has a theory though. Think about how much data and how much control you'd need to exert to really study the issue. Perhaps if you had a few thousand subjects and you placed each one on a different diet for sixty to ninety years, you could come up with a good, definitive answer. I can imagine the platitudes now – just don't stress about it; eat to live; everything in moderation, including moderation. But this is your life, your entire being. We should have a better understanding. The approach that makes most sense to me is to back up and think of how we evolved. Consider only what's natural, and eat that. There's a problem with that approach though – we didn't evolve to eat fruits, vegetables, and animals that were produced using chemical fertilizers and factory farming. Even our basic foodstuffs are tainted.

kalamatasI'd like to share with you a couple of my favorite foods. These are not my favorite things to eat, just my favorite foods. I like Kalamta olives, but I will not eat them anymore. I've been fooled by them too many times. The word "Pitted" on the label should be in quotes. In fact, the federal government should step in and DEMAND that they put quotes around "Pitted." I guarantee that in every single jar of "Pitted" olives that Pastene has shipped, they've included at least three Surprise!Pit!Shards®. It's like a game you play with your teeth. Olive, olive, olive, olive, olive, Surprise!Pit!Shard®. Yay! You found it – now off to the dentist with you!

girl-scoutNext, I present Edy's Slow Churned, Rich & Creamy, Limited Edition, Girl Scouts®, Samoas, Cookie, Light Ice Cream. Look closely, the "Light Ice Cream" part kinda fades into the background to the right. There's a reason for that – this tastes as much like Ice Cream as the Kalamata Pits do. I have it on good authority that it wasn't a legislative or regulatory body which stepped in and demanded that Edy's downplay any similarity to ice cream. It was the board of the company who decided that they had a moral obligation to make the claim of "Ice Cream" the smallest feature on the label. They just couldn't sleep at night otherwise.

popcornMy FAVORITE favorite is off-brand popcorn. Namely: Shur fine, Movie Theater Style popcorn with Xtra Butter. 

popcornIngredientsIf you take the time to read the ingredients, there's nothing butter-ish about this popcorn, unless you count the "Natural Flavor." When it comes to labelling, I like to think that the word "Butter" is such an absurd abstraction that nobody bothers to enforce that it have any meaning. You could probably produce salsa and drop a "with Xtra Butter!" on the label, and the FDA would turn a blind eye. What they won't let you get away with is the word "Extra." You don't need butter to claim "Butter," but you better damn well not claim your product has "Extra" anything. Use the meaningless "Xtra" unless you want to get fined into oblivion.

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