And now, Brian and Ike take a quick break from their usual discussions of remodeling, the internets (plus the googles), and movie spoilers, to discuss, um, well, Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Random, we agree, but unfortunately our exposé interview with the Kardashians was cancelled at the last minute. Apparently the Nuclear Regulatory Commision needed their input on a few overseas issues...

Ike: Is there such a thing as love at first sight? I lean towards no. Certainly some people feel an instant attraction, and if their introduction doesn't stifle those feelings, perhaps the attraction can grow into love. Or maybe the love grows on the attraction (like a mold). Because once that love goes bad, it often spoils the attraction. 


Brian: Of course there is love at first site. I know this because it happens to me all the time. For instance, have you seen Wendy’s new Baconator?  “Two 1/4 lb. patties topped with juicy Applewood smoked bacon in between a premium fresh bun. Topped off with mayo, ketchup, and American cheese. Now that's not just a sandwich, but a tasty treat.” Indeed it is, Wendy’s, indeed it is.
Oh, wait, you mean between two people. Nope. There is definitely “like” at first site, and during the teen years there is also “like like“ at first site, but that is a different sort of emotion, fueled by rampantly overflowing pubescent hormones, Clearasil, and Taco Bell.


Ike: Okay, then we agree. I'm sure you'll also agree that the opposite happens as well: you meet someone towards whom you feel nothing but, after you get to know them, a physical thing just materializes.


Brian: Yeah, a physical thing materializes… in your pants! (for the record, it pains me to stoop to such depths. I’m trying to be clever and funny, but let’s face it, a part of me is still 13, so when you toss out softballs like that, I have no choice but to knock it out of the park with the best humor that 8th grade has to offer.)


Ike: If that's you "knocking it out of the park," then I assert that you might be the one with the "softballs."Disney-Beauty-And-The-Beast-3DBut, all that aside, my question is this: what's the deal with Beauty and the Beast? It's not that he's repulsive physically, at least that doesn't seem to be the point they're making. This giant hulk is frightening, intimidating, and gruff. Belle has her work cut out for her as she chips away at the Beast's defenses, taking the first two acts to fall in love with him. He seems to love her instantly, although he won't admit it.
They talk, fight, dance, lots of people sing. Hell, even the furniture and appliances sing. 


Brian: (why does the refrigerator make that humming noise? ‘Cause it doesn’t know the words.) 


Ike: They have quite a gay time. 


Brian: (Um, I hate to correct, but that was “Twinky and the Beast”, an adaptation… same basic story line, but slightly more, um, colorful, and significantly less “family friendly”… so I hear.)


Ike: And, of course, they fall deeply and madly in love. Who knew? Of course Disney didn't make up this story, but they're not shy about fixing a plot line that doesn't make sense. So why did they keep this one?
Here's the major problem: have you seen this prince guy that the Beast turns in to? Who believes that Belle's love for “The Beast” will translate equally into a love for that femme-bot?


Brian: Further evidence that you watched the wrong version of this story. Here’s a good way to tell… if your version starts with a disclaimer that everyone in the film was over 18 at the time of filming, there is a really good chance you grabbed the wrong copy.


Ike: I understand that as she got to know his personality she fell madly in love, but she fell madly in love with Beast. She fell in love with a big, hulking, masculine creature, and he turned into that prince guy who, quite frankly, looks like he might be looking for a big masculine creature to shack up with himself. 


Brian: (he definitely was in that other version…)


Ike: Just not plausible, even for a cartoon. 


Brian: So true. I know of many true love relationships that have fallen apart over a single bad haircut. I agree that the concept of this true love surviving such a transformation is bogus. Even Wiley Coyote physics can't save that relationship. Sure, it starts off fine, but soon enough Belle is going to be arranging clandestine meetings with Sully from Monsters Inc. to get some more of that furry love. In the long run, though, even that is doomed to fail. After all, statistics prove that a majority of relationships between persons of mixed animation ancestry end in divorce. Not to be racist, but Belle needs to stick with a nice Disney boy. A Pixar/Disney thing would never last, though I suspect the kids would be incredibly attractive.


Next time, as promised, we'll bring you our interview with Igor and Vladimir Kardashian, the quantum physics duo from the outer Kamchatka Peninsula.

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