SnowCamI spent a lot of the day watching traffic cameras from Virginia, and waiting for the snow to start. It was great fun. I love those "found footage" movies, like Paranormal Activity, where we get to spend long periods of time watching empty rooms. This was like that, but with traffic and no demons.

Once the snow started, it got really interesting. I tracked my sister as she drove home from our mother's house. I watched tonight as she took my nephew out to play in the snow. My nephew said, "This is how we FaceTime now." The drivers down there are being safe and staying home. The roads are mostly empty. There are some good, eerie shots to stare into.

Yesterday, looking out my side window, I saw a tiny mouse face push out from the snow into the walkway I had shoveled. As soon as it discovered that there was no more snow to burrow through, the mouse pulled back. A second later, I saw the same little mouse face push through about a foot away. After it had disappeared, it occurred to me to take a video. This morning, I saw no mouse, but there were paw prints from a cat. It must have sat for a bit on my porch and then walked away. I didn't see any prints over near the mouse hole, or any blood on the snow. It wasn't a circle of life, but two non-intersecting lines. 

If you're thinking that I'm getting a little desperate for entertainment, you may be right.

madnephthumbI released "Madelyn's Nephew" yesterday. I took a chance sending it out to the mailing list on a Wednesday. I'm not sure that's going to pan out. I usually go for Thursday or Friday. I figured I should vary the day to see if it made a difference. Who knows--maybe some people will check their email in the next couple of days and the percentage will go up. I sold some copies, and given some away. It will be weeks before I know whether or not it's a success. Regardless, I like Madelyn and it has been fun writing about her. 

Last year, I had a lot of fun with abduction and the threat of technology. People were disappearing in caves and cornfields. Quadcopters and killer robots patrolled the landscape. 

This year, at least the first half of this year, I've got a lot of books about human bonds. I've written a lot about friendship, love, and the loss of both. Don't get me wrong--these books aren't soft. There's some serious stuff going on. But the relationships in my books last year were mainly fixed. People dealt without outside threats. This year, some of the threats are more personal.

I'm putting the final touches on "Madelyn's Mistake," the second book of that series. It will come out in about 10 weeks. Then I'll write the final Madelyn book. I seem to do the same thing every winter. I write one big epic. This year I've been a little smarter. I've envisioned my epic in three distinct stories. The one from last year and the year before were immediately tossed in the bottom of a deep drawer. It will take a ton of work to make them even slightly presentable, and I don't currently believe in them enough to spend the effort. I'm excited for what will come after Madelyn. I currently don't have a clue what it will be, but I have a thick folder of ideas to choose from. My favorite technique is to take the two best ideas I can find and try to make them work together. 

I have a few days here where my primary task is to come up with a name for February's book. While I'm at it, I should name the book I have picked out for April. If there's any real struggle to what I do, it's that. Naming is the hardest part. I'll talk to my sister. She has come up with some good ones in the past. 

Today marks the end of my first month in captivity. I have enough data to make one projection: I believe I stocked enough food to last at least a year. 

ChimneyMy thumbs hurt. I'm not sure why. I was probably careless with my weightlifting. I'll try to stay off of them for a couple of days and see if that helps. My hands and wrists are always right on the hairy edge of an injury. I type a lot--probably more than is healthy. It's such a hard life that I lead.

I had a small fire yesterday. Years ago, I built a fire every cold day. I stopped that when the furnace blocked up and nearly killed me. Keeping the chimney clean is harder with the metal roof. I have a million excuses. The biggest reason that I quit having fires is that I grew tired of them. Perhaps I'll start again some day. Yesterday, before I had my fire, I took a picture of the chimney to be sure that everything was clear. It wasn't perfect, but it was plenty clean enough for a fire.

I'm just four days away from completing my first month of reclusion. It seems like it just started. I've barely touched my food stores, which is odd. I suppose that I filled the refrigerator so thoroughly that I'm just now clearing it out.

I have to remember to look at something far away tomorrow. Focusing on the horizon is supposed to be good for the eyes and mental health. I'm probably missing out on that since I don't drive around (or leave the house). I have to remember to do that.  

I wish I had something interesting to say.

Sprouts

Everything is going well here. I'm deep into my final draft of "Madelyn's Nephew." I'll release it in about a week. I'm very exicited to introduce Madelyn to you. I think she's tough, smart, and funny, and I really like her. My favorite heroes aren't backed screaming into a corner by a threat--they recognize the threat early and then they prepare themselves. When they back into the corner, it's because they're luring the threat into a place where it can't get away. For me, Madelyn is that hero about twenty years after she has defeated her last monster.

"Madelyn's Nephew" is the first of three. "Madelyn's Mistake," and "Madelyn's Last Dance" will follow later this year.

My lettuce is coming along nicely. The sprouts are showing their second leaves today. I'll be transferring them out of the sprouting tray in a few days. 

I saw the trailer for "10 Cloverfield Lane" today. It's scheduled to be released March 16. I suspect it will be the first movie I see when I leave the house. I've also lined up a dentist appointment and a visit to the doctor. It's going to be a busy, confusing April. It's difficult for me to believe that for 25 days I haven't left a hundred yard radius (maybe less). It all seems so normal. 

Next winter, I may build a bunker like this

NielsenI won the lottery today! No, not the silly Powerball, or whatever everyone has been talking about. I won the Nielsen lottery! I've always wanted to have the Nielsen company contact me about my important opinions about what's good on TV. Today, they did! They sent me $5 and a survey to fill out with the promise of $5 more. They asked me how many people live here and my age. I answered everything honestly. I can only hope that they're desperately seeking the opinions of reclusive people in their late 40s who watch 1~2 hours of TV a day.

Maybe I should have lied. I hope I didn't blow my one and only chance to have my opinions finally matter.

Oh, how I'd love to be the final vote that puts a knife through the heart of every multi-camera, laugh-tracked sitcom in prime time. I would single-handedly bring back Firefly and Jericho to fill their place. 

In the box where they asked my favorite network or show, I put "The Walking Dead." If you listen hard enough, you can hear my survey answers being shredded right now. 

BarnDoorWe're getting typical weather for a nice January in Maine--50s and rain. Last year at this time, it was -24° and we have 49 inches of snow on the ground. You just can't make sense of it. How windy is it? It's so windy that the back door of my barn fell off. I went out to do my evening chores, and I saw that it was hanging by one roller and twisting in the wind. It took a solid hour of wrestling before I was able to get it back into place.

Barn emergencies are the worst. There's nothing to do but fix them right then and there. You can't leave it for tomorrow because something could happen to a horse. And I'm down to one horse out there already.

It's all fixed now. I did my chores and tied the doors shut. Typical.

HydroponicLettuceI'm starting to run low on a couple of things. I only have lettuce enough for one salad. I have no tomatoes. My hydroponic lettuce is begging to sprout, but it will still be weeks before I'm able to harvest. If I do this experiment again, I'll have to start growing lettuce in November.

Other things I'm going to run out of reasonably soon: cream, milkbones, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant, and laundry detergent. (just kidding about those last five)

I'm going to try Jet.com for laundry detergent. Some of the stuff on Jet is way cheap. Other things are normal price. You have to shop around. I'm closing in on a cover for Madelyn's Nephew, which is good. I should have that out easily in a couple of weeks. I'm really enjoying the HIIT workouts on YouTube. Instead of doing the cardio in P90x, I've substituted the HIIT workouts on those days. They're much more difficult. Plus, it's good for a change.

Sales have slowed down in January. I'm hoping Madelyn brings them back. She ought to be able to--as far as I can tell, that woman is pretty tough. We had a little snow this morning even though Siri promised me last night that there was none coming. My Siri has a male voice. I might switch to the female to see if she's any better at predicting the weather. My horse (Rocky) is pretty damn bored. This is his first winter without a pasture-pal in ten years. He doesn't like it one bit.

We watched a pretty good Austrian horror movie last night called "Goodnight Mommy." I liked it a lot. 

Today, something was scratching at the laundry room door. Finn heard it too. There was nothing there and no tracks in the snow. Good times.

I've been thinking of places I might like to go in April--exotic locations, like Target and Home Depot. Can you imagine?

JD growth v pop growthI just had a major revelation. Now, this revelation came to me right on the heels of a pretty intense workout, when I was swaying on my feet, so please take it with a grain of salt. Chances are I won't even remember writing it later. But...

(I'm making all of this up.)

The problem with politics in the US is efficiency. As US manufacturing jobs became more and more efficient, the volume of jobs decreased, pushing the sons and daughters of the lower-middle class to service industry jobs. Insurance, healthcare, and law boomed. Here's the thing with lawyers--they don't have the luxury of being wrong. Even if they're on the wrong side of an argument (especially if they are), they will twist and dodge and try to find another loophole to squirm through.

It has to be impossible to come through the door, hang up your coat, and leave that all behind.

"Did you remember to pick up eggs?" the spouse might ask.

"How could I? It's ninety degrees out," the lawyer replies.

"But I don't see what that has to do with..."

"I would have to shut the engine off when I went into the store, wouldn't I? Would a reasonable person expect the car to start again in this heat? Where would I be then, with eggs in my hand an no way home?"

"But didn't it start when you left the office?"

"Or would I leave the car running and have some hoodlum abscond with my vehicle? Again, I would have no way home?"

"But you always had a way..."

"And might a reasonable person conclude that said eggs might boil in the shell in this heat? You instructed me to purchase fresh eggs. Am I to assume that hardboiled would substitute just as well?"

The arugment from that simple question might take the rest of the evening to play out, assuming a reasonable number of rebuttal witnesses were called. The spouse might eventually take one of three approaches to coping with a lawyer in the house-- 1) abstain from argument, 2) try to engage in the sport of argument, or 3) go "full crazy." (By the way, my mother often chose the "full crazy" route, just screaming, "Well, goddammit, fine." and making meatloaf for Thanksgiving)

The children of a lawyer don't have much of a choice. They learn the techiques of dodge, twist, avoid, and deflect before they're even in high school. None of the skills imparted include reflecting or reconsidering. This is the same way a lion teaches their offspring to hunt. They teach them through play. Go ahead, ask my father where he keeps his scissors. I'll wait. 

He didn't give you a straight answer, did he? You see, a straight answer is a verifiable fact, and those are the enemies of practicing law. 

Forty-one percent of the 113th Congress were lawyers. Nearly half of our political process are people who don't have the ability to evaluate a set of facts and come up with a considered conclusion. They know their position going in. And that's what's wrong with politics. 

Oh, and lobbyists. Them too.

GrowLights

Working on my hydroponic lettuce project, I set up the grow lights on a counter in the kitchen today. It took about ten minutes before I wanted to vomit. It's unbelievable how quickly those lights made me nauseous! I'm never bothered by flickering lights, or refresh rates on monitors, so I was stunned to discover that I have no tolerance for these purple nightmare lights. Have you ever gotten sick from reading in the back seat of a moving car? It was like that. In fact, I don't even like looking at the photo of them.

I went online to see if I'm the only one with this problem. Apparently, I am. I'll have to set up this whole thing in the spare bathroom or somewhere I don't go. The basement is too cold. We get about fifteen minutes of sun this time of year, so I'll have to use the lights. Before I search for replacement lights, I'll see if these "grow" on me. Hilarious.

In other news, my trash pickup starts tomorrow morning. I've already packed my trashcans and lined them up in the driveway like kids waiting for the schoolbus. I've lived here for fourteen years and I've always hauled my trash to the dump myself. I didn't like the idea of collecting garbage in the garage for three months though. So I'm going to become one of those fancy people who pay someone to pick up their garbage. So fancy.

I'm almost done with my second draft of Madelyn's Nephew. I really like that book. I hope you'll like it too. It will be a part of a trilogy, I think. I'm also working on the first draft of the second book, which doesn't yet have a name. I will do whatever I can to finish the story in three books instead of four, because I hate all the names for a four-book series. Tetralogy, quadrilogy, and quartet are all equally bad.  

If you don't see another blog post in the coming weeks, it's because I've been hauled off by the police. I expect that all the hydroponic equipment that I've purchased has raised a flag somewhere. I expect my house to be raided at any moment.

 

 

AdorableMooseI had a vivid memory today. Back in 2004 my grandmother died. That same year, a few months later, my adorable dog Moose almost died. (Yes, I know, half of my life is spent on sick dogs.) Moose had bladder stones and he filled up with urine. He had emergency surgery to have them out. The problem turned out to be a congenital defect where he couldn't process cystine and it formed crystals in his bladder. So much fun!

Here's why I thought of it--I had to keep close watch over that dog for ten days. I got a laptop and figured how to work from home. I slept in the living room because he couldn't handle steps for fear that he would tear his sutures. For that time, I was a complete shut-in. I liked it. I remember having a vivid realization: with each day I spent in the house, the idea of leaving became more and more distressing.

At the time, I blamed it on depression. I was very close with my grandmother and her death undercut my foundation. But I'm feeling the same thing now and I couldn't be less depressed. 

Am I going stir crazy? No.

Am I nuturing my budding agoraphobia? Possibly.

Whatever. It's no big deal. I'm making really good progress on my books. I mean real progress, for everyone who keeps quoting The Shining to me. Trust me, I know the movie.

"Now, we're going to make a new rule. When you come in here and you hear me typing or whether you don't hear me typing, or whatever the fuck you hear me doing; when I'm in here, it means that I am working. That means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?"

That's something interesting that just occurred to me--I've had a couple of books now that were mostly clean. Accidental Evil had six shits and zero fucks. The new book, Madelyn's Nephew doesn't have anything stronger than two bullshits. Why? I dunno. I don't have a particular reason to keep adult language out of my books. I think everyone who reads them is perfectly capable of dealing with a few casual curses. For some reason, they just didn't feel right. I'll write a particularly dirty story when I'm done with these. That will liven things up again.

It's a great feeling to crack open a draft I wrote a while ago and start to work on it again. I can see my thoughts there, hidden behind the words. I can teleport back to those feelings and recognize myself as a person independent from my current self. Sometimes the ideas there surprise me and I realize that people shrink as much as they grow. It's like pizza dough you're trying to push to the limits of the pan. Here and there it gets to thin and a hole breaks through. Those holes are in our souls, man. #TeenagePhilosophy

Subcategories

Reclusion - the state of being separated from society, but this word carries the connotation that the separation is a chosen way of life. 

Disqus

comments powered by Disqus

Mailing List

Sign up for the mailing list and you'll get a free electronic copy of Ike's next book, and an email whenever Ike publishes another novel.
Or use the full signup form.
Hate free stuff? You can always Unsubscribe from the mailing list here.

Related Posts

  • The Lakes

    This summer, when the tourists milled through the streets of Belgrade Lakes, I was one of them. I rode up there on my...

  • A Place to Sleep

    I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm starting to suspect that I'm doing it on purpose. I've changed where I sleep...

  • The End of Reclusion

    This is it. Tomorrow I will throw open my door and walk out into the real world. My first stop will be to get a...

Ike's Tweets

ikehamill @TheOtherKristin Did you write Red Forman's mini-rant about "Duct" tape in S07E03? Up until the 1950s, it was known… https://t.co/yNxv19CNKR
ikehamill Mumma's House is here! New Year's Eve is coming, and that's when everything goes down... You better be ready. Get y… https://t.co/zVp1Iutz3b
ikehamill @toddmoore I completely agree that the current regulation is imperfect, but I really don't want to stand back and w… https://t.co/9wSWaOcq8i
ikehamill @toddmoore The yearly payout I quoted was based only on the estimates of a few people. I think Rayburn put it at $1… https://t.co/XhfVP4P2Gn
ikehamill @toddmoore I agree that we should break up the ISPs. And, until that day, we should regulate them to make sure that… https://t.co/tczOSuNey0